Pink is very “manly”, and it has been for a very long time. Valerie Steele, fashion scholar, author, and director of The Museum at the Fashion Institute of Technology remarks, “In the 18^th century, it was perfectly masculine for a man to wear a pink silk suit with floral embroidery.” In fact, it wasn’t until 20^th century America that the palimpsest of gendered colors began to unfold. Some surmise that it was capitalism that drove the change, others claim it was the rise of the religious right and the toxic masculinity that typically rides the coattails of those theological systems. What happens when our society, especially the children of society are taught that colors define who they are? Rejection, depression, and anxiety is what happens. We get children that, at a very young age, learn to discriminate and segregate. And we get boys that grow up to be men that are marinated in toxic masculinity.

Toxic Masculinity

So what? What’s the problem with masculinity? Nothing if held in moderation and in equality with femininity. But it isn’t. According to a 2002 U.S. Department of Justice Report, over 95% of domestic violence, and 99% of sexual assault perpetrators are men. These numbers are astounding and very telling. We should be doing everything in our power to change this trajectory. American society is just now starting to realize the importance of Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) skills. When masculinity is elevated to toxic levels, and the SEL skills aren’t present to mitigate the toxicity, we experience tragic results. We need to continue to advocate for SEL in our schools. We need to fight for equality in wage rates. We need to vote for political representatives that will promote egalitarian policies. We need to address theological systems that consider women to be less valuable than men. We must stop telling children that pink isn’t “manly”.

Childhood Bullying

Childhood bullying is nothing new, but the tragedy of it has become painfully obvious in American society as firearms are more available than ever. Rather than “duking it out” on the playground, the bullied are now acquiring high-powered weapons and unleashing hellfire bloodbaths on their peers. What is at the root of these events (other than the high-powered weapons)? Shaming, othering, rejection. More information on the causes, effects, and mitigations of bullying can be found at www.StopBullying.gov.

Childhood Rejection

What effects does rejection have on the child? We’ve discussed the extreme end of mass murder, but to be sure, the majority of children don’t end up presenting such extreme behaviors. Most will quietly bottle up their confusion, frustration, and shame. Some will express these emotions through depression, anxiety, behavioral outbursts or bullying of others. All will suffer, at some level, cognitive and social delays. According to a 2006 research study published in the European Journal of Developmental Psychology, a child that is rejected by their peers will experience a significant increase in risk-taking behaviors. Risk-taking behaviors can linger in a person’s life into and throughout adulthood, and those risk-taking behaviors come with high financial and psychological costs. 

In summary, if you, as an adult, want to equate pink as a girly color, that’s fine. You be you. But please don’t project your ignorant and toxic beliefs onto children. Please don’t steal their joy of a color that makes them smile. Perhaps instead, you could revisit your definition of “manly”? When I think of “manly” men. I think of men that are caring, supportive, encouraging, kind, loving, self-controlled, generous. What I don’t think of is the color of their shirt. The next time my 7-year-old son says that he wants to wear a pink kilt for the upcoming dance performance, I hope that you’ll keep your toxic ideologies to yourself and let him wear the pink.